Dating shouldnt feel doubt feel bad
I've seen many clients get to this point in therapy and decide to stop.
We've opened several cans of worms and they simply feel overwhelmed.
When I had a session about self-distructive relationship behavior myself, I had trouble seeing where I was going wrong.
Our discussion left me with questions about my life and the usual feeling of 'having answers' is not what the drive home was like at all. "Digging up the dirt" and exploring it is often unpleasant, but can be the most productive work in therapy.
We could find that painful events in her childhood made trust very difficult to maintain.
We might even find that her issues extend to herself - that she has a hard time trusting her own thoughts and feelings, and she projects this onto other people.
It's the end of our third session and Jane gets up and walks to the door.
After the customary "see you next week," Jane adds:"Thank you so much for these sessions. A common misunderstanding about therapy is that its function is to help us "feel better" each week.
In his book The Heart of Psychotherapy, psychologist George Weinberg writes: "In the course of psychotherapy, we help the person see the generality of his problem...I think it's great that you touched on this because at the point where a client walks out the door feeling bad- they can't confuse that with YOU making them feel bad. Even in meditation classes I tell clients that the deeper you go with mindfulness the more the issues arise out of quieting the mind.And maybe people leaving therapy because of that feeling could be avoided if the therapist made a point (though it may seem obvious to them), to remind their client that 'hey - this is going to get worse before it gets better'. Now as a graduate student in counseling psychology specializing in dance/movement therapy I am happy to find that it’s a part of our training – working with clients in the process of becoming well/whole is a journey that has its peaks and valleys.You forget the 'exploring' of the demons part that often feels unsafe.It can feel as though your 'safe place' is tarnished.Many equate psychotherapy with the day spa where we enter with tension and leave feeling relaxed and refreshed. But much of the time we leave with a greater understanding of the gravity, severity and prevalence of our issues.We think we have one problem but realize we have five.18)Jane entered therapy to better understand her difficulty with dating.She describes herself as a "serial monogamist" who dates men until her suspicions lead her to believe he is untrustworthy.This doesn't always feel better; it can feel much worse.That's why my response to Jane's comment is "uh oh." If she's expecting to always feel good after her sessions, she may be setting herself up for disappointment.